The L Diaries
by A Shinigami's Game
Summary: According to my calculations, the probability of me receiving a present was 63%, so I haven't kept my hopes up. However, Light-kun and Misa-Misa both bought me this "journal". Misa-Misa says if I can get my creepy thoughts on paper, that maybe I will be less creepy in reality. But I have high doubts about that.
1. Entry 1: Pre-Christmas

Journal entry 1: Pre-Christmas

The next few days will be special for Misa-Misa, because she celebrates a foreign holiday called "Christmas", which surprised me since most residents of Japan are Buddhist. Apparently, the holiday entails giving and receiving gifts from friends and family members in celebration of some sort of holy man named "Jesus". It is an odd thing to do, just randomly giving gifts to people, but everyone at the Kira Investigation Center seems to be rather familiar with it. However, I am atheist, so I assumed they would exclude me from their celebrations. I seem to have been mistaken.

According to my calculations, the probability of me receiving a present was 63%, so I haven't kept my hopes up. However, Light-kun and Misa-Misa both bought me this "journal". Misa-Misa says if I can get my creepy thoughts on paper, that maybe I will be less creepy in reality. But I have high doubts about that.

But I must say I was pleasantly surprised this evening when I came back from speaking to Watari about some personal business to find that, while I was out, the whole team pitched in to decorate the place. It was quite a change to be sure, but it wasn't a bad change. I suppose that the building could use some "Christmas cheer" to boost everyone's morale. We haven't made much progress on the Kira case as of late, so it is good that the mood has changed. On top of that, there has been a large supply of sweets around lately, which makes me enormously happy. (My brain cells require sweets to properly function.)

However, I do have one problem. No one will allow me to work on the case, whatsoever. I'm not even allowed near my phones, much less near my laptop, or anything that would allow me to try and find another lead. Of course, I have hidden computers all around the facility. But… They seem to have expected that from the beginning, so I have again been chained to Light-kun to ensure I won't be using electronics. He doesn't seem too bothered by it, even excited to be the one doing the supervising, but I am less than happy to be watched like a dangerous child who knows no better.

But in the nighttime, when Light-kun is sleeping as well as everyone else, I often use my spare key hidden in a compartment under my bed to unlock my handcuff and sneak out into the computer lab to get some work done. I can't imagine how furious Light-kun and the others would be if they found out that I worked at night when they go through so much trouble to keep me from doing just that. Which is why now, Light-kun doesn't sleep until I have fallen asleep. Because, though I hate to admit it, I was caught.

It was 2 am precisely. I reached under my bed for my secret compartment, feeling around until I found the keypad, then typed in a number code, all the while keeping my eyes on Light-kun's sleeping form on the other bed across the room. I hoped he wouldn't wake up, I violently hoped. Why? Well, because he is my f…f-friend. I didn't want him to be upset with me. It's only natural, I suppose.

The soft click of the compartment spitting out the key into my palm always made my heart jump a little, because I always feared Light-kun would wake just then and discover me. Thankfully, he never did. But even so, I always waited a few seconds before bringing my hand up over the edge of the bed to quietly unlock my single handcuff on my left wrist. I watched it fall to the bed with a small _thump, _the chain going slack for a moment, but I quickly locked the handcuff to the nightstand beside my bed, giving Light-kun adequate room to toss and turn in his sleep, if necessary. But usually the only times he turned in his slumber was when he had a nightmare, which, unfortunately for me, was becoming more and more often these days. And that night happened to be a nightmare-night for Light-kun.

I slowly began to climb out of my bed and onto the floor when Light-kun suddenly groaned, turning over on his side, slamming his fist onto the pillow beside him. For a heart-stopping, terrifying moment, I thought he'd seen me, so I froze where I was, watching him intensely to see if he was coming after me. After five minutes of nothing, I breathed a tiny sigh of relief. For sure I believed I had been caught red-handed, but I realized that it had only been another one of Light-kun's nightmares. For that reason, I hesitated a brief moment, suspended precariously above the floor, my legs still on the edge of the bed, my palms on the tiled ground. But I thought for a minute. If I waited much longer, Light-kun might wake up and catch me in mid-escape, but if I hurried and left, I'd at least get some more work done before I got caught. I knew deep down it would happen eventually, that _someone_ would find out. Whether it would be Light-kun, Misa-Misa, Yagami-san, or Matsuda-kun, I couldn't foresee, but whoever it was would bring hell and havoc down on my head. I must say, I wasn't looking forward to it, but I was taking as many precautions as possible.

I finished crawling down onto the floor, keeping down in a low sprawl, and scampered silently forward until I reached the hall and continued on until I arrived in the Investigation Lab, where all the data on the Kira Investigation was kept, and climbed into my chair with my legs folded against my body underneath me. For a moment I listened to make sure no one was coming, biting the nail of my thumb, my head tilted to the side slightly. Upon hearing nothing I turned back to the computer screens, tapping into the master keyboard, unblinking in the light as each monitor flickered on one by one until the whole room was bathed in electronic light.

I opened up several windows on several monitors, comparing numbers, names, and the prices of some expensive candy through the systems, which hummed dully. Eventually I ended up meeting more dead ends within the investigation, and ordering thirty boxes of Pocky from a factory in Tokyo and ten bags of sugar cubes for my coffee from London.

Just as I was preparing to shutdown a few monitors and focus on less to see if I had missed something in the data, or perhaps overlooked a key factor, I heard the sound of something sliding across the floor down the hall. I nearly jumped out of my chair because the sound of the approaching nightstand scared me so badly.

Quickly I whipped back to the screens, shutting them all down simultaneously. All at once everything buzzed and then flashed to black, the screens seemingly being sucked through a hole in the middle of the monitors. I unfolded myself from my seat, the scraping of the nightstand coming down the hall like fire on my heels, and dove under a table, unintentionally tangling myself in the mess of cords. I could tell it was useless to try and escape now, I was as good as dead now that Light-kun was almost there. I could never have time to untangle myself and then escape back to my bed… But even if I did, how would I explain my handcuff being attached to the nightstand?

I sat under the table helplessly awaiting Light-kun's arrival. I estimated it would be about two minutes until he arrived, but it seemed that I was a little off. He arrived in 1 minute and 23.4 seconds.

"RYUZAKI, GET OVER HERE AND UNLOCK THIS!" Light-kun screamed upon entrance. Though I couldn't crane my neck to see his expression, by his posture I could tell I wasn't going to get off easily. I sighed and made no move to get out of my entanglement, pursing my lips in mild frustration.

"I'm sorry, Light-kun, but I can't." I twitched my limbs to signal where I was. "I seem to have gotten myself into a predicament."

"YOU BET YOUR CANDY-ADDICTED A** YOU HA…" Light-kun's voice trailed off as he bent down to look at me under the table, his face practically radiating anger. His eyebrows were knitted above his dark eyes, his mouth turned down in a deep scowl, which suddenly turned into a smirk. "You think I'm about to help you?"

I looked up at him, my own mouth turning up slightly. "You will if you want the key."

I watched his smug expression melt to a defeated one. For the first time in a long time, he looked worn, tired, and even a bit depressed. I could see the war in his eyes, a conflict between himself and himself. Though I am usually good at reading people, I couldn't see what he was so incredibly exhausted from. Had I been working him too hard? What if I was working everyone too hard and I hadn't realized it…? I myself am used to long work hours, and I rarely sleep. But I hadn't taken into consideration what the others were used to. Suddenly, I was more than deflated. I felt a bit depressed myself.

"Here, try to slide forwards a little. Maybe I can get that big cord from around your neck…" Light-kun said, tugging on the chain from the handcuff with a grunt. I frowned and slid forward as much as possible, leaning my head forward while he reached around with his unbound hand to take the cord, but suddenly changed direction at the last minute to grab at my pocket, where the key rested. However, he was just a little too slow.

I barely managed to kick one foot out of the mess of cords and use it to pin his hand to the ground with a sigh. "Please make this simple and untangle me first. I don't want to fight this battle with you, especially after you've had such a rough night." He snapped his head up to look me in the eyes, a guarded confusion hidden in his face.

"What do you mean?" he asked quietly, a threatening edge to his voice. I smiled sadly, hanging my head against my chest, feeling the cord pull at my throat.

"I know about your nightmares, and that shouldn't surprise you in the least," I explained softly, avoiding his gaze and staring intently at a crinkle in my pants leg. I heard him sigh and felt as he lifted my chin to free my neck of a cord, making breathing a bit easier. He then proceeded to remove what cords held my limbs captive and sat back on his heels with a small smile once he was finished.

"Alright, now unlock me so that I can strangle you," he said, his dry humor not computing in my head. I hesitated, hand hovering over my pocket, giving him a questioning look.

"You're going to…"

"No, no, Ryuzaki." He shook his head with a grin. "Just unlock me please." He held out his locked wrist, dragging the nightstand behind him forward a little. I reached over and slid the key in the lock, twisting it until the handcuff fell limp to the ground with a small _clank. _

I scooted back a little and watched him rub his wrist, where the handcuff had cut into it and made his skin raw and red. He sighed softly, his hands finally falling in his lap as he hung his head.

"Ryuzaki…" he started, shaking his head, his hair swishing softly. I almost wished my hair did that. Suddenly he chuckled, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. "I expected this from the beginning, you know. I knew you couldn't stay away from the case even for your friends."

I was taken aback quite a bit. Why was he associating my co-worker's relationships with me in my crime?

"No, Light-kun, you've got it wrong…" I trailed off, at a loss for words. Strange, I had never experienced such confusion before. It was so foreign in itself that I was tongue-tied simply because I didn't know what to think of myself. I always had something to say.

"Why, then? Why'd you go behind our backs to do this?" he asked sharply, snapping his head up to look at me. I stared at him for a long moment, what seemed like a lifetime.

"Because Kira doesn't break for Christmas," I said simply. It was obvious, why hadn't he seen that? "People will die, whether it is Christmas, Hanukah, Halloween, or New Year's Eve, Light-kun. I thought you knew that."

He looked slightly shocked, leaning away from me a bit as if I had a disease and he wished to be polite and not move to the complete opposite side of the room, but still didn't want to catch it.

I stood, feeling my back round itself as it usually did, and slid my hands in my pockets. I looked at Light-kun on the floor, who ran a hand through his hair with a sigh.

"Come on, Light-kun. Let's just go back to bed and pretend this never happened," I suggested softly. He looked up at me and snorted.

"As if I'm gonna keep this under my hat."

"Do you really wish to ruin Misa-Misa and Matsuda-san's holiday with such news?" I asked, even though I knew he wouldn't have told. I could tell he'd already thought of what I'd said as he silently stood as well, simply handing me the handcuffs and picking up the nightstand to carry back to the room.

And thus concluded a rather tiresome night.

The only good thing was that I got to order some candy I'd been dying to buy. Watari hasn't been around lately, so I can't tell him what to order me. Though he probably knows what I like in general, it varies as to what I wish for every week. I could tell Light-kun to order me something off of his laptop, if Misa-Misa had let any of us have any access to technology whatsoever.

I suppose I will tell Matsuda-san to pick me up some cheap candy at the store once I run out. But I do need some strawberries and chocolate sauce, so maybe I'll ask him to pick up some at the store down the street tomorrow.

But Misa-Misa is calling for dinner, and I should go immediately to oversee the conversations in there, just to make sure Light-kun lets nothing slip.

-L


	2. Entry 2: Christmas Day

_Hello ^^_

_Thank you, first and foremost, for reading this! Reviews and favorites are so very appreciated!_

_Anyway, so sorry for the long gap in updating. I haven't had much time to write at all…_

_But here it is at last!_

_Don't ask why I've been doing so much Christmas-fic stuff, I'm just in the mood I suppose! _

_Anyway, enjoy! Feedback is always welcomed!_

Entry 2: Christmas Day

My cohorts never cease to amaze me.

This morning was the anticipated Christmas morning, and I was looking forward to being able to work on my cases once more afterwards. But all thoughts of my backed-up files and clogged memory banks temporarily vanished from my mind once I shuffled into the lab with a silently smiling Light-kun by my side.

A huge, authentic pine tree stood regally in the center of the room, blocking all the technology from view with its broad, decorated branches. Lights were strung from the top of the tree outward to attach to the ceiling high above, bright red and green orbs sparkled as they dangled in the flat light from the monitors, which all were turned on to form a conjoined picture of a flickering fireplace with realistic sound effects and such. Strings of popcorn were strung around the base of the tree and swirled artfully upwards amongst the candles, glass angels and snowflakes. Wonderful smells wafted from a long table in the corner, which was draped with a red and white trimmed tablecloth depicting Saint Nicolas's sleigh and reindeer soaring across a starlit sky. On top of that were plates upon plates of cookies shaped like bells and Santa hats, cakes of all kinds, brownies and fudge and pancakes sprinkled with sugar. Tiny statues of merry, red-cheeked elves stood by the golden platters, smiling happily. Carols were being played softly in the background from the stereo speakers set up around the room, singing verses like _"as long as you love me so, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow"_.

Yet all of this paled in significance to the fact that there was a large mound of assorted candies and chocolates with a small card in front that depicted my symbol I use, a large L, colored in red and green. Scrawled on the bottom in Matsuda-san's handwriting was "_Merry Christmas, from Light, Matsuda, Misa, and the rest of the Task Force!_"

I had long since froze in shock to stare at the scene before me, and still stood so when Misa-Misa popped out from behind the tree in a pink, form-fitting dress trimmed with white fluff on the edges as Santa's own suit would be, her hood was down, her boots matched her dress perfectly, and her hair had been curled so it was straight near the roots and wavy at the bottom. I felt my breath hitch slightly at the sight and my heart skipped a beat, a slight flush blooming across my cheeks. I watched with slightly wide eyes as she waltzed merrily past me to Light-kun and planted a kiss on his cheek. He, in turn, looked disgusted.

"Merry Christmas, Light!" she exclaimed, batting her eyelashes. I gnawed on my thumbnail, watching the two of them out of the corner of my eyes. Misa-Misa then turned to me, smiling sweetly. "And you too, Ryuzaki~! I guess I can spare another kiss for you!"

When she leaned forwards to kiss my cheek, I cringed away slightly out of habit, but allowed her to stretch and kiss me anyway. She pulled away, her eyes carrying a slightly puzzled look and her sparkly, lip-glossed mouth pouting at my wince. Even Light-kun was looking at me weird. Was it really so obvious?

I felt my blush spread down my cheeks, mumbling something like "indeed" under my breath and turned from the two of them to hide my embarrassment. Light-kun cleared his throat after awhile, adjusting the collar of his knit sweater with Christmas patterns all over it. I hadn't even noticed he was in it when I woke, and in the back of my mind I wondered how he'd gotten out of his night-clothes without waking me up since we were still chained together.

In all likelihood, he had found my compartment and cracked the code to get the key. Probability, 87%.

"Well, the rest of the Force should be getting here soon," he said casually, walking up to me and pulling a familiar-looking key from his pocket and unlocking my handcuff with a small _chink. _So I was correct. "So we won't be opening any presents and things until they arrive." He unlocked his own handcuff and handed the chain to Misa-Misa, who took it.

"Would you mind putting this in my room, please Misa? And also retrieve the _stuff _from the closet, if you would," he told her, giving her a deliberate, painfully obvious look. You could see the wheels in her head turn as a smile dawned on her face. She nodded enthusiastically and disappeared down the hall.

After her footsteps had faded, Light-kin approached me, standing slightly behind my left shoulder as I gazed longingly at the candy addressed to me.

"So, what was that?" he asked gently, nudging my arm with his elbow. I snapped out of my trance and turned to him.

"What was what?" I asked in the most innocent tone I could muster, hoping he would drop the subject. But, of course, he didn't. Light-kun could be so persistent at the best of times, which could be equally good or bad.

"You flinched when she kissed you. I thought you liked her," he said, his tone lightly confused (( Bad pun haha sorry XD )). I glanced at him, and then returned my gaze to the perfect Christmas scene before me, a part of myself still in complete awe. How had they accomplished this without me noticing? I was a very light sleeper (( What's with all the Light-puns? I apologize since they're all _really _bad. )) and almost everything woke me at night. It puzzled me thoroughly.

"Hello? You there, Ryuzaki?" I snapped back out of my daze and turned completely to him, so I wouldn't be so distracted by the candy.

"Light, unlike you, I have no past experience with any of this. The Christmas ordeal, so much candy in front of me at one time, and I have never," I paused for effect, "_ever_ have been kissed by a girl before." Light stared at me for what seemed like hours, his brown eyes seemed to be tinted red around the edges. I disregarded it to be the odd lighting in the room (( I cannot believe myself. Someone stop me please. )).

"So," he began with a chuckle, slipping his hands in his pockets with a smirk, "tell me, why am I not surprised?" It was my turn to stare at him, some part of me deep inside aching from that last comment. I ignored it though.

"I have a belief, Light-kun, that when I am working on cases…" I turned and made my way to the couch, settling on it with my legs folded underneath me. "…which is always, I need to suppress any feelings or emotions I may have towards the cases, therefore eliminating any bias I may feel, and it has simply now become a permanent part of me. I tend to bury my feelings, Light-kun; I couldn't expect you to understand."

There was silence as I turned my head to watch the fire on the screens near the enormous majesty of a tree, trying to lose myself in the flickering flames so I could easier ignore Light-kun's stare burning holes in my back. Again, I began to chew on my thumbnail in my sudden anxiety.

"L…" I heard Light-kun say, flinching when he used my official alias. "I had no idea it was like that, I'm sorry."

I was silent for awhile, contemplating multiple things at once. I wondered what was taking Misa-Misa so long to retrieve whatever it was she was sent to get, when the others would arrive, and why Light-kun had apologized for me, just when a buzz came over the intercom, indicating someone requesting entrance to the building.

Calmly, I reached deep into the couch cushions, not caring if Light-kun saw me, and pulled out a small touch-screen phone. I heard him gasp behind me as I typed in a pass-code, one of many, and opened the security cameras outside. I pressed several small buttons until I was able to see a group of cold-looking men standing outside the door, shivering while bundled up in dark police-force coats. And, of course, Matsuda-san had a bright red Santa Claus hat that sat lopsided on his head.

I chuckled, pressing another button to allow them inside. I watched with a quiet smile as they trickled in, closing the doors behind them.

Finally I could eat my candy.

Light-kun had come up behind me to watch what I did on my small phone screen, which I quickly stuffed back into the plush couch cushions once the sound of the task-force member's chatting drifted down the hall, which was eventually followed by the men themselves.

Matsuda-san looked as cheerful as ever, his cheeks oddly rosy, his nose bright red. He still shook slightly from the brutal weather outside, his arms wrapped tightly around his chest as if he were giving himself a big hug. The others tried to look cool, keeping their hands in their pockets and looking around with nonchalant expressions, as if this were an every-day occurrence. Apparently, they were in on this whole shenanigan as well.

Matsuda-san jogged up to me gathering me up in an unexpected hug. I heard a gasp escape the lips of everyone in the room.

"Merry Christmas, Ryuzaki!" he cheered into my shoulder, which was tensed in shock. At the exact moment he had gotten more than a meter from me I had braced for some sort of impact, as if I were expecting the man to hit me. It was reflex, but after I realized he was coming in for a hug, I had started to pull away from him, but he had managed to scoop me up all the same.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he retreated bashfully, hands clasped behind his back as if he'd done something he knew he wasn't supposed to, and had gotten in trouble for it.

"I-I'm so sorry, Ryuzaki, I don't know what came over me…" he stuttered, staring at the ground, shifting nervously. I looked at him for a long time, the whole room seeming to hold its breath as it waited for me to speak.

"It's quite alright, Matsuda-san. I understand that the "Christmas Spirit" has gotten the best of us today," I said softly with a chuckle, feeling that my cheeks had darkened slightly. He looked up at me and smiled gleefully, the grin itself seeming to appear in his warm brown eyes.

"Thank you, Ryuzaki!" he exclaimed. I nodded, feeling myself sink deeper into the couch in self-consciousness as everyone let out a nervous laugh. Did they all believe me to be so untouchable? It was as if they expected me to implode upon the slightest human contact.

"Is everybody ready to give Ryuzaki his biiiiig surprise?" a voice which I recognized as Misa-Misa's echoed from the hallway, out of sight. Suddenly everyone's faces lit up in excitement.

"Yeah!" they all yelled in unison, Light-kun slipping his hands in his pockets with a grin.

Misa-Misa suddenly popped out from around the corner with the most uncalled for present in her hands that I ever could have expected her to have.

A dog.

-L


	3. ATTENTION

_Okay, so, hello there everyone!_

_I want to let you know that I really really really REALLY appreciate all the nice reviews and faves I've gotten on this story! It means an awful lot that people took the time to read my stuff... and like it!_

_But here's the deal. I know I haven't updated in FOREVER, and, I want you to know that I AM working on it. But with my testing and studying for admission into high school (I'm 13 years old, 8th grade, will be 14 in 6 days) I've been pressed for time. On top of that, my father went through the computer and cleared out all the files he thought I didn't need... And he cleared out ALL of my fanfictions! Including what I had written for the third entry on this one!_

_So, when all is said and done, I'll eventually get back to writing this. It may take awhile, but I am determined to keep it going for you guys :)_

_Right now, I'm in the midst of Sherlock Holmes fanfiction-writing, so after that, maybe I'll start working again on this one!_

_Thank you again, and feel free to check out any of my other fanfictions! (Some have been discontinued, but some are just simple one-shots.)_

_LOVE YOU GUYS. Stay tuned :) Thanks for your patience with me!_


End file.
